Equus Asinus

The Rubí Tuesday blogue.

Good mornin or later, dependin on when you is readin it. After explainin my experience of bein a qualified Life Coach last week, I will share with you today some valuble tips in case you is also considerin bein a Life Coach.

In this episode I will try to explain the principlies of Life Coachin and particlarly where the diffrences are with spiritule direction, as expoundered by the Peasant.

This may sound a bit nerdy to some readers. In that case you can join all the other ex-readers of this blogue, and blogue off somewhere else with your pointless carpin and whingein. Maybe to WherePeteris.com where the Peasant is, but they hasn’t called that blogue WherePeasantis.com because he’s not the Pope.  He’s just a very norty Peasant. 

So, today’s episode of how to be a Life Coach starts with a conversation with Matilde, concernin the reasons why we does the kickin and the roodness after the mornin carrots.

“Matilde, why does we do the kickin and the roodness after the mornin carrots?”

“Is this a conversation, Rubí?” she asked.  “Or are you just being a Life Coach at me again?”

We were lickin the fence post after the mornin carrots and the kickin and roodness.  For some reason, we both ended up lickin the same fence post today.

“It’s a conversation with critical thinkin,” I said.  “For example, we might ask what’s the point of lickin the fence post?”

“It preserves the taste of the carrots a bit longer,” said Matilde.

“Good,” I replied affirmin Matilde’s critical thinkin.  “That’s what we Life Coaches call bein cognizant of your own drive behaviour and ability to get positive feedback from your environment.”

“No,” said Matilde.  “I’m just licking the fence post.”

“And you find that good?”

“Of course I find it good!  I wouldn’t be licking the fence post if I didn’t find it good.  It’s not so good with you interrupting all the time!  Just lick your post and shut up.  Give the critical waffling a break, will you?”

“I’m mentorin you,” I said.

“No, you’re just mental,” she replied.

After this kind of response from the untrained client in the early stages, the Life Coach can best support the self-work of the individual who is still in denial about their need to improve theirself by providin a safe space and a soundin board as they struggle to overcome their initial difficulty in disclosin real feelins.  We Life Coaches refer to this as ‘time to shut up’.

So let’s instead reflect on the kickin and roodness that occurs after carrots and analyze the complex sequence of events usin cognitive behavioural theory and see if we can construct an emotional map of the interpersonal ballet and sketch out the choreography of the equine chaos. 

After Morris does his usual brayin and wailin to alert the Peasant to the idea that mornin has arrived, the Peasant arrives with the mornin carrots. The Peasant always takes care to ensure the even distribution of carrots.  So if he has four carrots we get one each.  If he has six carrots, he’ll make sure we get one and a half each.  At Christmas and Easter we would expect two each and get quite cross if the feast is not reflected in the appropriate number of carrots. 

We know when the carrots have all gone because we is intelligent and reflective creatures. We can see they’ve all gone. But the Peasant always seems to think it necessary to signal this verbally…

”All gone the carrots!”

That is the signal for general roodness to break out.  Everyone starts kickin each other.  Morris usually makes a shrill growlin noise while tossin his head with ears back aggressively.  Matilde kicks Aitana and she squeaks.  I kick Matilde and she bites me. I howl and run off to the fence.  Matilde kicks Morris and he snorts and bites her.  She flees from Morris and runs to the fence. This all takes place within about seven or eight seconds – with the Peasant shoutin, “Stop that roodness!” – and then calm returns, with everyone now lickin the fence, except Aitana who is lickin the bruise where she got kicked.  Silly horse: she hasn’t yet learnt to lick the fence.

Soooo… When we analyze this situation usin Life Coachin technology, what can we conclude?  First, that technology is an entirely inappropriate piece of jargon, as there is no technology in Life Coachin but a conversation leadin to goal settin and transformative assimilation of personal guidin principlies.  If the issues are too deep down, we can park them and circle back to them in a later session, after we have identified our core values and put them on the shelf in our comfort zone.  But we don’t want too many core values on the shelf as our decision-makin should align with what is truly important for us… 

“And also the shelf might fall down…”  I said, aloud.  “Which would make a mess on the floor in the comfort zone.”

“What shelf?” asked the Peasant who was walkin past at that moment with the broom and shovel and the poo bucket.

“Hello Peasant,” I said.  “I was just thinkin aloud.”

“No she wasn’t,” said Matilde, pausin from her fence-lickin. “She was doing Life Coaching at me again and I’m getting fed up with it.  Can you tell Rubí to stop it, Peasant?”

The Peasant swept up the small pile of poo near where we were fence-lickin and he rubbed the inside of Matilde’s ear soothinly. He turned to me.

“You know what the Curé D’Ars used to say about spiritual direction, don’t you Rubí?”

“What?”

“You cannot please both God and the world at the same time: they are utterly opposed to each other in their thoughts, their desires, and their actions.”

I watched the Peasant walk off towards the stable with the poo bucket.

“That’s typical of Catholics, isn’t it?” I said to Matilde.  “They’re always speakin in their private jargon that nobody else understands.  There was nothing about curin arses in my Life Coachin course.”

“Maybe you missed Lesson Number One,” said Matilde. 

She continued lickin the fence post.