We’ve eaten Liz Truss and the Peasant is grounded

Rubí writes her Rubí Tuesday blogue

One of the portant things about being a life coach is tough love. In other words being rood to your client because you know better than he does. And so it was with the Peasant today. I watched him on Twitter yesterday, traipsing around Benidorm with a lettuce in an KN95 Covid face-mask, putting out a gormless narrative that Liz Truss was job-seeking in the Costa Blanca.

The Peasant included @mrjamesobrien at LBC Radio in the tweets, hoping he’d be rewarded with a high-follower retweet. He was more likely rewarded by James O’Brien putting @GT_equusasinus on mute.

“Most people think lettuce jokes are getting a bit limp,” I said.

“I got an extra fifty followers,” the Peasant replied.

“Fifty people who like seeing photos of a lettuce on a beach? That’s quite a bunch of interesting new friends you’ve got there… While your real, actual friends are here and still waiting for a proper grooming this week. We would have enjoyed eating the lettuce.”

“You can’t eat Liz Truss,” said the Peasant. “Look, I don’t appreciate all this donksplaining.”

“Don’t accuse me of donksplaining,” I replied. “I’m practising my life coach skills. I haven’t been very successful in life coaching Aitana donkey, so it’s time to sort you out. You are grounded for the week. There’s no need to go shopping – you went yesterday – and apart from buying a lettuce, you bought five bags of carrots for us, and beer for you, so there’s no excuse to go out again till next week.”

“It sounds like I’m more of a hostage now than Liz Truss,” said the Peasant.
“You’ve got the idea,” I said. “Now just go and get the lettuce, and we’ll put yesterday’s embarrassing episode behind us.”

Oh dear. Donkeys get very skittish when inanimate objects suddenly ‘hit the ground running’.